In Depth..

As this is my blog and I am free to write as I please.. I think i'll start utilizing this space to not only make announcements or in depth blogs on my journey but to also write out my deep and often random thought process. As i've written my ideas before in random notebooks on random sheets of paper I doubt I will ever find, an internet log of these ideas might just be the perfect solution.

THEREFORE.. If you ever actually read my blog and find an entry that may seem random or off, that may be because I had a random thought I felt compelled to share.

While some of these thoughts may be private, I see no reason to hold back. I am an open book, after all, and I see no reason to keep my thought process a secret.

If you, the reader, happen to find my ramblings to make any sense at all.. I suppose you and I must be kindred.

ah well.. off to the ramblings of today...

• "I prefer myself through an outsider's eyes"

  While looking at myself on a webpage I frequent but rarely update, I glanced at my image and for a split second, saw myself in the eyes of an outsider. I wish I saw myself this way often, because it gave me a better perspective of what i'd like to see myself as. Re-affirming my faith that maybe I should just give in and follow through with the tattoos I desire, but hold back getting because of a slight hope that one day I might have some miniscule success in film.

• I'm the sweetest girl you'll probably ever meet, I just prefer to look 'bad'.

  Because I find a kinship with such souls as Megan Fox and Lady Gaga, where Megan is a Taurus, just like me, and taurean women like to mess with people's heads. Especially boys. This may be more commonly referred to as being a "tease", however the psychological power you can have over a person, watching them squeal and break, is just a twisted way we like to have a little fun. Now Lady Gaga, she's like two people in one. The sweetest person you'll ever meet when you sit down and talk, but when she performs.. when she is "GAGA"... she is a beast. She is a monster. She is seductive and in control. She stays with her vision and she makes a show that's truly worth watching. Now this may make me twisted or to some people it might be mean or evil to tease and control and like it.. but I suppose that to me, it's just foreplay. On the outside, I don't deceive. I may look 'bad' but i'm really an angel. My personality is very sweet, generous.. but when I feel like myself.. my EDGE comes out. That's the only time I seem to truly feel.. ALIVE.