Revelations of Happiness

I had two revelations today... both were about happiness.

1. I'm happy in my personal life, i'm just not happy with my professional life. While I may be single, I am quite content with my life as a whole when it comes to where I live, my family, my friends and everything else. However, when it comes to my business I am not happy. Mostly because it's not progressing as quickly as i'd like. But would I strive so far if i was happy and content in that area as well? I mean, if i was happy being a seamstress, making little girls princess costumes for local boutiques, i'm sure I could do that now.. but that is not my goal and not my life. Which brings me to number 2..
2. Would I ever want to be truly happy? I think, knowing me, I would get really bored and search out for something to shake things up. I mean, honestly! I have a clothing line, my graphic design business and a lot of photography work on the side, but I still insist to put out my seasonal webzine every 3 months. Thats a ton of work I don't need to do.. but it shakes things up and I like that. It's no wonder some designers are so far ahead of me.. all they do is network and design and sew. I do all that and then do 3 or 4 other jobs on top of that. However, in a twisted way (as if there is any other kind).. this chaos and constant bone breaking perseverance makes me happy. I kill myself for my vision.. and thats what makes me "Tragic Glamour". 

I'm just an artist's heart in a designers profession.

Maturity..

• Thirty truly is the new Twenty. Think about it! When your twenty, your just starting to grasp who you are, what life's about, what you need and what's really important. Most twenty-something's take this time to drink until they drown and wake up when they're 25-28 yrs old in a janky apartment smelling of whisky, beer, bud and ass. If your lucky enough to get all of that partying out of your system early or keep it in moderation than you can probably spend your twenties diving and exploring all of those questions and overwhelming doubts you have circling your head (that you tried to drink away those couple years). SO when you think about it, your not really a functioning adult until your about thirty. At that time, your still young and attractive but you also have a better understanding of yourself and what you really want. 

  No wonder I always fall for older men..  

In Depth..

As this is my blog and I am free to write as I please.. I think i'll start utilizing this space to not only make announcements or in depth blogs on my journey but to also write out my deep and often random thought process. As i've written my ideas before in random notebooks on random sheets of paper I doubt I will ever find, an internet log of these ideas might just be the perfect solution.

THEREFORE.. If you ever actually read my blog and find an entry that may seem random or off, that may be because I had a random thought I felt compelled to share.

While some of these thoughts may be private, I see no reason to hold back. I am an open book, after all, and I see no reason to keep my thought process a secret.

If you, the reader, happen to find my ramblings to make any sense at all.. I suppose you and I must be kindred.

ah well.. off to the ramblings of today...

• "I prefer myself through an outsider's eyes"

  While looking at myself on a webpage I frequent but rarely update, I glanced at my image and for a split second, saw myself in the eyes of an outsider. I wish I saw myself this way often, because it gave me a better perspective of what i'd like to see myself as. Re-affirming my faith that maybe I should just give in and follow through with the tattoos I desire, but hold back getting because of a slight hope that one day I might have some miniscule success in film.

• I'm the sweetest girl you'll probably ever meet, I just prefer to look 'bad'.

  Because I find a kinship with such souls as Megan Fox and Lady Gaga, where Megan is a Taurus, just like me, and taurean women like to mess with people's heads. Especially boys. This may be more commonly referred to as being a "tease", however the psychological power you can have over a person, watching them squeal and break, is just a twisted way we like to have a little fun. Now Lady Gaga, she's like two people in one. The sweetest person you'll ever meet when you sit down and talk, but when she performs.. when she is "GAGA"... she is a beast. She is a monster. She is seductive and in control. She stays with her vision and she makes a show that's truly worth watching. Now this may make me twisted or to some people it might be mean or evil to tease and control and like it.. but I suppose that to me, it's just foreplay. On the outside, I don't deceive. I may look 'bad' but i'm really an angel. My personality is very sweet, generous.. but when I feel like myself.. my EDGE comes out. That's the only time I seem to truly feel.. ALIVE.

Tragic Toons

September is now labeled "hell month". Not only do i have side projects with grphic design clients, but i'm launch 3 things this month! Tragic Toons will be releasing on Sept 11th which is a line filled with cute and twisted characters to unleash the child within. On October 1st i'll be releasing the fall 2009 line called "Monotone"! A line filled wth Alice in Wonderland, Victorian and Marie Antoinette inspired designs. Also on Oct 1st i will be releasing the fall 2009 issue of Glam Rock Magazine with cover girl, Raquel Reed! I'm so excited. But that means i have to rally everything together and also squeeze in a ton of photoshoots in the coming weeks. Not only that but on Sept 25th i'll be hosting my first ever C.TA launch party to celebrate the fall line, so i'm a little nervous about that too.


see why its called hell month? a zillion things to do, but it will be totally worth it.

"Extreme" disorder?

i've always been the type of person who isn't happy unless there are extremes. while nothing bad may be going on in my life, i don't ever feel happy unless something tremendous happens. Even if i'm completely miserable because of a bad relationship or something, i feel comfortable because i'm the "extreme" of bad. i either have to be insanely happy or miserable in order to "feel". i don't understand why i am this way, maybe it's because my parents did drugs before they had me.. i don't know.
to be honest i've been stuck in a feeling of in between for at least a year now, if not longer. maybe my past relationship numbed me more than i already was. but i've been stuck in he middle of this, "i'm okay, nothings bad, nothings great either" funk and i'm sick of it. absolutely OVER it. But how do i get out of it?
because of this "in between" period i have been very indecisive and haven't been the most reliable person. i've been searching for changes, like dying my hair back blond or whatever color to try and fill the space but it hasn't worked.
As i'm writing this right now im watching a little boy on tv who was talking about how he used to be miserable cause he never fit in and then he found dance it became his passion and he's never been happier.
Maybe focusing on my passions is what will truly make me happy again. Sewing and actually creating my couture collection sounds amazing right now.
ive been stuck doing graphic design, networking, promoting, etc for 2 years now if not more! i like doing all of that but i need a fricken break! or at least some balance between that stuff and the stuff i want/need to do.

BALANCE is key.. now it's just a matter of finding it.

Freelancing and an Accessories Line..

Since school has ended i've been occupying my time with freelance work that i've thankfully been "handed" and haven't had to scavenge for. That's a big blessing in this economy, even though those jobs aren't very high paying. I've been working on Marialia's website lately, and although i have the design down, i've been struggling with a little dilemma. I want this site to be easily editable for her, but in order to do that i need to learn a whole new computer language called PHP. I know i can do it, and i know it would be really rewarding to learn it for any future jobs and my own website, but it is hard and will take a while. My plan is to buckle down for the next two weeks and learn it before i go to L.A. on June 11th-17th. I need to make some big headway on this so I can get it done quickly and done right.

Another thing i've been working on is my own Jewelry and Accessories line for C.TA. In an effort to expand the line to be more than just the normal graphic tees, i'm starting this couture one of a kind/limited edition line of accessories! These accessories will be available on my new Etsy store on June 1st. Keep a look out for custom couture clothing there later this year/early next year!

tragicglamour.etsy.com

So much to do.. so little time..

I often find myself putting together sooo many projects that i start to implode! im overwhelmed. why? well.. here's my to do list..

- finish Glam Rock Magazine Website
- contact people and put together summer comeback issue for Glam Rock Magazine
- edit and send Laci Kay pictures
- edit and send Manda w. pictures
- work on fall line for c.ta
- make tragic toons for c.ta
- update c.ta website
- make marialia website
- do shoots for c.ta
- make accessories line for c.ta to sell on etsy
- plan l.a. trip for june 11th-17th
- make c.ta business plan
- clean out and decorate office/reorganize


and thats just my to do list right now! i also have personal things i need to do like dye my hair, buy supplies, and whatever else.

and all of these things need to be done by early july.

i dont know how i do this.
i guess i am superwoman.

When I need encouragement.. when i feel as if i might be failing.. i need to remember..

"Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. it's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere." - Barack Obama

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." -Robert F. Kennedy

"You have reached the pinnacle of success as soon as you become uninterested in money, compliments, or publicity." -Thomas Wolfe

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I have a really hard time watching people excel while i stay in the shadows. However, i need to remember that their success is encouraging and an inspiration. A real life example that the success i desire is obtainable. When my time has come i will find success. I will. Till then, the failure i feel is momentary weakness and my drive will triumph over it in the end.

C.TA's New Site UP NOW!

C.TA's new site is up now!!! http://www.ctaglamcouture.com/

Graduating College.. A New Chapter Begins.

I feel discouraged and frustrated when after working everyday of the week on a constant basis, i still feel like i can't keep up.

maybe everyone really does have a team behind them running things and i'm the only one working a one woman show.

Last night i celebrated the fact that on March 20th, i graduated from FIDM with an AA in Graphic Design and i "walk" in June. I guess that chapter has ended and new phase begins..

I also celebrated that yesterday i launched my Spring 2009 line of my clothing line, C.TA Glam Couture! it's available on the store in the womens section and men's.

Check it.. Spring 2009 line; Tattoo Addict!

My Biggest Challenge...

Finishing up my last two weeks at FIDM, i've realized something. I knew that this year and a half of non-stop work at college caused me to neglect my style and go with jeans and a hoodie and practically never style my hair past it's natural curl but i didn't realize the strain it had on my sanity. Now that sounds worse than it is.. What i really mean is that, lately i've been so focused on my FIDM work that i've actually neglected myself. Not just projects or C.TA stuff, but i've actually ignored myself. I need to slow down once in a while and maybe not work one day out of the week. Create some balance in my life. That is my "new years resolution".. to balance out my life so i can better handle all situations. I work everyday for hours on end on every project i have and then some. I love being busy and i love doing this, but sometimes its draining. I pray that this balance will be permanent and i can finally go out and have fun and work on a regular basis.

NEW PORTFOLIO SITE

Check it out!
it looks way better than ever before..
Hope you like it!

so i'm redoing the C.TA site..

but i need some help.
i need some inspirations or ideas for the layouts.


i already know what pages i want to have but im not sure how it should look! ugh.




help?

Spring 2009 Photoshoot Video: Layla Page

Spending time cleaning out the online store a bit and making some plans to rework it to make it more efficient, inviting and just plain PRETTY. haha. also... Just spent about an hour slapping together this cute video of the photo shoot i did with Layla Page. A hott cannibalistic blood shedding shoot filled with "gore and glamour"(it's like a Glam Goth's perfect day.. lol)
Hope you like! More to come soon..
p.s. remind me to start sending out more C.TA Newsletters... "the people need to be informed!"

xo TG

Crunch Time..

The new line comes out in a matter of weeks! What do i have left to do to prepare? Clean up and redesign the webstore a little bit, do many many many photoshoots with my C.TA models, and to be honest, i REALLY need to redesign the website and maybe even the myspace. but im not doing the last two just yet. Not only am i launching the spring line but i'll also be finishing up my last week of college at FIDM! I graduate the day before the line launches. So right now i'm finishing school and running around like a maniac doing photoshoots! It's so chaotic. It's weird to me that i seem to thrive on it.
Today i did a photo shoot with Dorian Shadow.. i was really lazy and tired the night before and was tempted to cancel.. but i didn't and im so glad. I feel great that i pushed myself to do it, and not only was he very nice but we also made some great photos! Heres a few: to view more check out the C.TA Myspace Page.

Theme was shedding blood... we dubbed this set "blood money"

Planning..

The Spring line of C.TA comes out on March 21st.. thats creeping up pretty quick. I've had one photo shoot so far with my lovely friend and model Liane aka Layla Page. It turned out pretty hott. the theme of the new line is Tattoo's so i dubbed it the name "Tattoo Addict". And since i'm trying to bump everything up to a whole new "professional" level, i decided to make a consistent theme for all the photos. The theme is "shedding blood". Like when you get a tattoo, get in a fight, murder, suicide, piercing, etc etc.. I have another shoot planned for Saturday with Dorian Shadow. I really need to schedule the rest of the shoots so i can start redoing some of the advertising. hmmph.. so much to do and so little time.

Let me introduce myself...

Another blog, another attempt to chronicle my life via the web. I guess I'll start out by introducing myself.
My name is Chelsea Tavis, but I'm better known on the web as Tragic Glamour. At the moment, I'm 19 yrs old, finishing college at FIDM, the fashion institute of design and merchandising in San Francisco, where I'll be receiving my AA in Graphic Design, and I do some things on the side. Okay, A LOT of things. I started my own clothing line in May of 2006 called C.TA Glam Couture. Right now it basically consists of graphic tees, but as soon as i get the funding I'll be expanding. I'll be producing my own couture designs that will be made to custom fit the buyer, and after that, I'll "fill in the gap" and start producing clothing I design from scratch.
The skies not exactly the limit for me, it's more of the goal. I plan to have this clothing line filled with stuff I design personally. Clothing, accessories, jewelry, etc... To further introduce it to the world, other than online, which is where i sell my stuff now at www.cafepress.com/ctaglamcouture, i plan to open my own boutique. In this boutique i want to feature my own line as well as other lines i love by designers that compliment my line. In this boutique i will introduce my couture creations and feature a couture section where buyers will be fitted for their couture purchases. I personally can't wait to get this going, but I'm building my empire online in the meantime until the economy gets somewhat better.
I took graphic design because i was interested in it and i knew i would need it to help further my business. I want to be able to do everything for my business so that the vision i want to portray is truly mine and not of a third party. I do the photography for my clothing line, as well as on the side for models, bands and sometimes just for fun. In those photo shoots i do all the makeup, unless the model prefers to do their own and i also do makeup for many photographers across the Bay Area as a freelance job.
As you can see, i don't stick to one "pool". I like to dip my feet in a little of everything. Most people say i do too much, but it's never enough for me. That's a good thing business wise, but bad in the long run, since i need to tell myself to slow down sometimes.
I guess that's enough of an intro for right now, keep looking back and follow me along to learn more about me as i take my steps, creating my own career and building a Tragic Glamour Empire.