Foolish Love

I found these quotes online that just happen to describe exactly how i feel.. which scares me to think that my feelings might actually be real...

“God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him”

“I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you.”

“When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you... Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you.”

“A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one”

“Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a mans last romance.”

-Oscar Wilde

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

-Maya Angelou

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

* Damn thats the truth..

  “Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.”

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly”

------------------------

my biggest fear is that what i'm feeling is actually love.. and he never feels the same way. i cant ask, for fear of the truth being what i believe to be true, but there is still a small hope that his actions and words overpower the few missteps that give me this immense doubt. 

these feelings are overpowering and interfere in my daily life.. something i never wanted.. but i suppose i have no control over.. 

i'm just a foolish girl.. i knew what i was getting myself into.. but i did it anyway.. what does that say about me?  

    

C.TA Glam Couture Launches first Couture Collection!!

I've been SWAMPED with work the fast few weeks trying to get Glam Rock Magazine's Spring 2010 issue ready to launch and The Spring 2010 Line for C.TA ready... it has been hell but I am finally done (for the most part) and I have officially launched both projects!

Check it out and Buy some cute stuff! I really hope you all like my work! It's been hard, since this is my first time really sewing clothing, but considering the good response i've received so far, it's worth it. Can't wait to start on the Fall 2010 Line!

& a special thank you to everyone taking the time to check out my stuff and show your support! Just knowing that someone out there enjoys my stuff and looks forward to my work, makes it ALL worth it!

C.TA Glam Couture Launches first Couture Collection!!
Including the first ever line of couture clothing as well as the usual tee's available at cafepress.com/ctaglamcouture and our Glam Rock Accessories available at tragicglamour.etsy.com.

Check it out now!!

Check out the behind the scenes videos here:

Pain makes me Poetic

sometimes nights don't go as planned,
sometimes life gets complicated,
sometimes you fall in love with a man,
sometimes you really hate him.
sometimes you ask yourself questions,
sometimes the answers wont come at all,
sometimes you waste your time for him,
sometimes its worth it all.


Is love worth the pain we put ourselves through? Only time will tell.

Altering your perception...

After a lot of observation, I have one truth...

being bitchy gets you nowhere! just because you write bitchy status updates and talk shit about random people or their views.. doesn't make you cool.


I'll try my best to be living proof that kindness, generosity and a genuine personality are still attainable in this world of hate.


xo

Vote for me in this Tee Contest!

hey guys! do me a favor? sign up and vote for my design in this contest!!

https://www.artworkjunkies.com/en/contest/designs/Love-is-a-Razorblade

Note to Self..

"abundance is not about how much money you have, it's about how much you are enjoying your life."

when working isn't making you happy, it's okay to take a break and enjoy life a little...

Lyrics I find truthful..

In the spirit of Valentines Day... i figured i'd post some lyrics that i often hear and associate with my life as the truth! Enjoy..

"Let's fall apart together now..
There's a motive to our sadness as we drag the mirrored ball and chain
Through the twilight again
Dressed up in shame..
Have no fear
There are wounds that are not meant to heal.." 

- H.I.M. "In Verene Veritas"

"I turned around 3 times and wound up at your door
Now you say you know all you did not know before
And I offer no sympathy for that
I hear that it was you who died alone
And I offer no sympathy for that
Better off I sparkle on my own

And someday love will find me in the rough
Someday love will finally be enough
I got your love letters
I threw them all away
And I hear you think that I'm crazy
I'm driving 95
And I'm driving you away
And I shine a little more lately" 

- Anna Nalick "In the Rough"

"This second chancin's really getting me down
You give and takin' everything I dreamed about
It's time you let me know, let me know, just let go

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in between to escape this desperate scene
Where every law reveals the truth
Baby 'cause I all ever wanted, all I ever wanted was you

I'd rather walk alone, don't wanna chase you around
Every day, every day, every minute
I fall a thousand times for I let you drag me down
Every day, every day, hey, hey" 

- Kelly Clarkson "All I Ever Wanted"

"Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind." 

- Evanescence "Call Me When Your Sober"

"So you're taking these pills
For to fill up your soul
And you're drinking them down with cheap alcohol
And I'd be inclined to be yours for the taking
And part of this terrible mess that you're making
But me, I'm the catalyst" -Anna Nalick "Catalyst"

"And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between" 

- Flyleaf "So I Thought"

"Love's the funeral of hearts
And an ode for cruelty
When angels cry blood
On flowers of evil in bloom"

- H.I.M. "Funeral Of Hearts"

p.s. here's a super cute video of the valentines day C.TA shoot with Laci Kay!

New Video up for C.TA's Spring 2010 GR Spread!

My editing chops are certainly improving.. and i'm very excited.

Photoshoot with new C.TA model, Jillian Johnston, for the Spring 2010 Glam Rock Magazine Seasonal Vaccination of C.TA spread! This seasons spread is all about creativity!

More photos will be up on April 1st at www.glamrockmagazine.com

and more at www.myspace.com/ctaglamcouture

Living in the moment...

While it's a phrase often heard, you never really grasp its meaning until you attempt it.
I am a person who is stuck in the future. My mother is a person stuck in the past. I am always anxious because nothing ever seems to come fast enough. My mother lives in regret for all of the things she has done wrong or people who have wronged her. Neither make you happy or content with life as a whole.
I've realized that living in the moment is true happiness. Loving whats around you. The experience, people, smells, tastes, sounds. Truly enjoying the moment, no matter how joyless it may seem. There is a touch of good in everyone and everything, but when we wrap ourselves up in future or the past, we become completely blind to the present.

Right now I am sitting in my room, in a two story house in northern california. It's dark out, as it's 4am. Im an insomniac, which i often prefer as i work best at night. I hear the sounds of cars rushing by outside in what sounds like the slosh of puddles from an impending rain. Unfortunately, i cant smell much because of these god forsaken allergies that magically appeared last summer. What i see around me is the flicker of a blank tv, the blaring light of a computer screen and the faint view of miscellaneous objects being shown by the tv's dim light. in this moment, there is quiet, in this moment there is peace. there is no one trying to harm me or yell. My worries mean nothing as there is not immediate need for them. My body is tense from the stress i've felt the past few days and the weeks of nursing my mother back to health.. both mentally and physically. This moment is happiness because there is no stress. If i think about it, the future, the issues in life and business, there are MOUNDS of stress (in fact just writing that makes my back very tense)... HOWEVER.. in this moment.. there is NO STRESS. No immediate need for stress or worry and therefore i feel BLISS.

Business is money.. and right now I have none so I guess my business is personal. 2010 is the year of change. The year to get my health in check, to finally begin exercising and learning to like it, to gain knowledge over things i'll need for business, to balance out my life between work and friends. This is all very crucial because 2011 is the year of exposure. The year i'll finally get my ass out there and try. All of my attempts up until now have been safe, behind a screen... well in 2011 I WILL have a healthy body, mind and schedule, organized and ready to pounce on the fashion world. Are YOU ready?

My only obstacle is myself.  -
"mon seulement obstacle est moi-même"
I need to learn to enjoy the present and soak it in. Only then will i truly understand the meaning of happiness.

Mistakes..

We all make choices on a daily basis, and life proves that karma is real when those choices create positive and negative consequences. I made a dumb decision without thinking clearly and made something for one client that resembled another. I guess I was stuck in a one track frame of mind and I may have ruined my reputation with these clients. They didn't seem that mad, however I haven't heard much from them, and I know that time and thought only makes anger grow when a conflict isn't resolved. I've changed one of the works to have a different feel while still staying true to that companies image, but, in my opinion, totally changing the mood of the design so it doesn't reflect onto the other clients work. However, i'm at the point that I haven't heard from either of the clients since this morning and i'm quite scared of the result. Usually when this happens and the tension builds, things turn out well and everything happens for the better. But when I think of the worst case scenarios of what could pan out, I wanna cry because if they happened, i'd lose a lot!
I just hope that they both realize that it wasn't done on purpose and that it doesn't happen often. It was a mistake.. and i hope they forgive me. I offered free work as a gesture of kindness to hopefully help resolve things.

Hopefully this mistake doesn't ruin my reputation in their eyes.


& i hope I hear from them soon so I can feel some sort of resolution.

Glam Rock Winter Issue!

The issue's just keep getting better as the seasons go by.. check out the latest issue, up now!
(fyi: since people keep confusing my "Glam Rock" with the 80's glam, i'd like to state here that this webzine is based upon a new vision of beauty and fashion based upon the words glamour and rock, which symbolizes the edginess and beauty of the vision).

http://www.glamrockmagazine.com