Living in the moment...

While it's a phrase often heard, you never really grasp its meaning until you attempt it.
I am a person who is stuck in the future. My mother is a person stuck in the past. I am always anxious because nothing ever seems to come fast enough. My mother lives in regret for all of the things she has done wrong or people who have wronged her. Neither make you happy or content with life as a whole.
I've realized that living in the moment is true happiness. Loving whats around you. The experience, people, smells, tastes, sounds. Truly enjoying the moment, no matter how joyless it may seem. There is a touch of good in everyone and everything, but when we wrap ourselves up in future or the past, we become completely blind to the present.

Right now I am sitting in my room, in a two story house in northern california. It's dark out, as it's 4am. Im an insomniac, which i often prefer as i work best at night. I hear the sounds of cars rushing by outside in what sounds like the slosh of puddles from an impending rain. Unfortunately, i cant smell much because of these god forsaken allergies that magically appeared last summer. What i see around me is the flicker of a blank tv, the blaring light of a computer screen and the faint view of miscellaneous objects being shown by the tv's dim light. in this moment, there is quiet, in this moment there is peace. there is no one trying to harm me or yell. My worries mean nothing as there is not immediate need for them. My body is tense from the stress i've felt the past few days and the weeks of nursing my mother back to health.. both mentally and physically. This moment is happiness because there is no stress. If i think about it, the future, the issues in life and business, there are MOUNDS of stress (in fact just writing that makes my back very tense)... HOWEVER.. in this moment.. there is NO STRESS. No immediate need for stress or worry and therefore i feel BLISS.

Business is money.. and right now I have none so I guess my business is personal. 2010 is the year of change. The year to get my health in check, to finally begin exercising and learning to like it, to gain knowledge over things i'll need for business, to balance out my life between work and friends. This is all very crucial because 2011 is the year of exposure. The year i'll finally get my ass out there and try. All of my attempts up until now have been safe, behind a screen... well in 2011 I WILL have a healthy body, mind and schedule, organized and ready to pounce on the fashion world. Are YOU ready?

My only obstacle is myself.  -
"mon seulement obstacle est moi-même"
I need to learn to enjoy the present and soak it in. Only then will i truly understand the meaning of happiness.